Ralphs Per Minute

Growing up Ralph can be tough. To begin with, there are not a lot of fellow Ralphs to band with for protection. And Ralph seems to be going the way of Harvey and Ethel. Nice names for 1931, but growing up in a world of Mikes and Johns, it presented certain problems. I suspect there were a couple of middle school altercations that could have been avoided if my dad's name was Dave Sr., rather than Ralph Sr.

At times I actually avoided my name. I came up with the concept of the "ski name" for use in lift lines. Trying to reconnect with me at the bottom of the hill? Don't shout "Ralph!" It just sounds funny. Just yell for "Steve!" and I'll find you. Because Steve is the coolest name of course.

But you come to terms with your own name over time. I even kind of like Ralph now. I recently met another Ralph, but in disguise. My friend Benny is a naval aviator. The other day I noticed in his work email signature that his real name is Ralph! Turns out Benny is his pilot name, like Snake, Goose, or Maverick. There is a great story about how he got the nickname that involves Elton John, but that may be another post. My pilot name would have been Steve.

Ralph does work when you combine it with a P middle name (Polister - a whole different story) and an M last name to get the most awesome car guy initials of all time–RPM.

If I had just realized that in middle school.